Simple As It Should Be.

My stress level is mounting by the second, especially since apparently getting moving boxes in NYC is about as easy as getting a Birkin before the book. Now I'm basically left with no choice except to walk down to the local UPS store and carry them back via cab since it takes 5-10 days to ship them and I definitely don't have 5 or 10 days. Today my after-lunch goal is to pack up my office, then head to the UPS by my house and repeat the torture one more time. Things are back to normal with HFM and it was surprisingly easy for both of us to get over and forget about the incident from the night before. It's usually never easy, but isn't that the way it's supposed to be? I can only hope future arguments or lack there of can go that well...It's just so much easier when it's easy. I wish all of life could be so simple...

"So time will go, And we may be far apart, I know..But as far as I can see, This is so good, There's no need for change, It's all right with me...It's as simple as it should be...Simple as it should be..."-Tristan Prettyman

Am I More Than You Bargained For?

I think I've been honest to the point of my own detriment lately. Really. Like I think or worry about something and I say it. For future reference this is not always a good idea, and does not always have great reactions from those around you. Especially those you are dating. Last night I was texting HFM and I basically freaked out because I am leaving and while he will be there soon after, we'll still be in different places for a while and I just didn't want to get attached to him and then be half way across the country. So being the complete idiot I am, I decided to tell him this and freak out about whether we should keep seeing each other or not. This was basically retarded considering he's literally the nicest guy in the world and I always have so much fun with him, but then again I guess I am relationship retarded with my own personal life these days.

I guess you could say I am one of those people with what my friends and I like to call "cinematic personalities". Basically I want everything in life to be perfect, like in the movies, and I'm not happy unless everything plays out as dramatically and big as it does on screen. So, whenever something doesn't go exactly as I think it should in real life, I freak out and think things aren't going the way they should and either A. leave the situation entirely and move on or B. freak out and try and make things the way I think they should be. Just in case you were wondering, I realize this is not a good trait to have.

I definitely hurt HFM's feelings by freaking out and telling him I don't know if we can hang out anymore, and I'm not even really sure why I did it, because I definitely didn't mean it and now I feel awful. I have this great guy, who adores me and who I think is great, and this is what I do. I'm really not surprised though, considering this is me we're talking about. One of my best friends told me this morning that she's never seen me happier than I've been with him and that she thinks he's perfect for me. Great. 12 hours to late and both us have come to this conclusion simultaneously. Typical. Why do we always push away the people that are probably the ones we should be pulling closer when things get difficult? I need to figure out the answer...

"Am I more than you bargained for yet/I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear/Cause that's just who I am this week."-Fall Out Boy

XoXo,
LMM

Blah, Blah, Blah.

Things I love today:
1. Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love" song, which I hear constantly but still can't get enough of.
2. Dogs. And the idea of getting my own in the very near future, and this time my parents can't steal him away.
3. Warm weather. And living in it soon.
4. My new Erica Weiner necklace, because it's super fab, check her out: http://www.ericaweiner.com/.
5. My new Diane Von Furstenburg dress, because it reminds me of summer and Miami.
6. Deciding where my next vacation will be too.
7. Being tan(ner) than I've been since Thailand.
8. Laughing at the silly pictures from this weekend.
9. Having the best, best friends ever who always listen to my drama.
10. New beginnings.

xoxo,
LMM

Please Just Don't Play With Me, My Paper Heart Will Bleed.

After a friend and I went to Katie's charity benefit with Veranda last night, we stopped by a bar by my house and met some other friends. We grabbed a drink and walked out onto the "patio", which basically consists of an alley filled with tables and hundreds of people. The crowd was almost completely filled with Wall Street types and was almost entirely male. Being there last night made me realize why everyone in New York is single. It's almost impossible to date here, because 1. everyone knows how many other options they have on a daily basis, 2. the male to female interaction is bizarre, most guys simply stare at girls they think are cute all night and make comments to their friends about them, but almost none actually approach the girls they are interested in, 3. almost everyone you hang out with is also single, so it somehow seems the norm and finally 4. everyone is more concerned about their jobs and what's going on in their field of work than their personal lives.

Going out last night made me happy to get out of the city. I just don't see myself settling down here anytime soon and the more I look around me I realize it's almost an impossibility here, unless you're 40 or my age and have no social life. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know it can happen here, but let's be realistic, it's freaking hard to date in New York. Everyone thinks they're a hot commodity who won't settle for anything less than perfection, even if they're over 30 and balding, they still think they deserve a trophy wife because they're hella successful.

Me, I don't even want perfection, I just want someone who's perfect for me. I want someone I want to hang out with all the time, someone who doesn't annoy the hell out of me after a few dates, someone I can actually relate to. Maybe I'm just growing out of the city or the city's growing out of me, but I'm over the pretentious bullshit and fakeness that is so necessary in every aspect of life here, especially dating...Will dating be different in Florida? Or is dating everywhere as fucked up as it is NYC? I guess I'll be finding out very, very soon.

XoXo,
LMM

"Please just don't play with me, My paper heart will bleed, This wait for destiny won't do, Be with me please I beseech you, Simple things, that make you run away, Catch you if I can, Waiting, day to day it goes through, My tongue is, Tied to, a dream of being with you, To settle for less, is not what I prefer..." -The All American Rejects

I Don't Want A Clean Slate.

It feels weird being back in NYC, I think I almost forgot what it felt like to live here for few weeks. My friend Kate flew in from Seattle this morning, and was greeted by a disaster of a house. My roommate swears the maid is coming today. I pray he's right, especially since I'm showing my apartment tomorrow. After work I have a charity event to go to, then I'm meeting a few girlfriends out at our favorite bar for a drink or two with Kate. I keep thinking about how different my life is going to be if I'm living in Florida. I also keep thinking about what a pain in the ass moving and apartment and an office across the country is. I definitely want to do a girl's dinner next weekend before I go back. Above all else, I will miss not seeing my friends here all the time.

Last night the Nicer Mr. Nice Guy texted me with: "I've heard you've dated a lot of guys." Well, ok. I have dated a lot of guys, as in dated, not had serious relationships with or hooked up with. I'm starting to think that this might bother him, though I don't see why it would. I am who I am, and my past, including who I've dated is a part of who I am now. I don't regret any of it. I honestly feel like I've learned more from dating different types of people than I ever could have by staying with the same person forever. I finally know what I want in a person and the things I like and don't like in a relationship. I would have never known any of that if I wouldn't have dated around as much as I have. And the past four months of serial dating on my part greatly needed in my opinion, to help me realize all of these things about what I want and don't want. I feel like now I am finally in the place to date someone and know 100% that they are what I want in a person. Sometimes doesn't it take dating the wrong person to find out what you love about the right one?

Yes, I've had my heart broken. And, yes, I've broken a few hearts. I've hurt people and I've been hurt. I've led people on and I've been led on. But in the end, every experience was worth it, because now when I do meet the right person I'll appreciate them so much more, because of everything else I've experienced. I don't really know how to explain it, but I have this new found sense of self, like I can do anything I want to do, and I have an open heart. I'm finally with out all of the fucked up issues Ivy left with me with, because I'm over it and I've let it all go. It feels so empowering to be in a place where I have no obligations to anyone and have the power to decide where my life goes and who I share it with. I don't feel the need to date anyone, but if I meet the right person, I know in my heart it will be right. I've had the weirdest feeling for the past month that the next person I date is going to either mold a great part of my life from now on, or will be the person I end up with. I can't explain why, but I haven't been able to shake that thought for weeks. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm overstressed or just plain exhausted. Or. Maybe I'm finally ready to meet someone worth settling down for...

XoXo,
LMM

I Don't Know Your Timetable, And I Don't Know Your Face By Heart...

To say today was a clusterfuck would be an understatement. I got to the Palm Beach International airport at approximately 12:15 after my cab was thirty minutes late. I tried to check in curbside when the agitated baggage guy told me he couldn't find my reservations. And, being the good traveler I am I had no ticket printout with me, hence no confirmation number. So I grudgingly took my ass up to the ticket counter, waited for the old lady in front of me whose cocker spaniel was busily humping her leg, though she didn't seem to notice, check in and went to the front desk. The chipper Delta lady looked up my flight info and with a smile from ear to ear informed me that I had booked my flight for next Wednesday and not today. Lovely. $150 surcharge and 6 hours and no promised PBI wi-fi service later I was on my way to LGA.

My flight was not unlike any other coming from South Florida. There were a lot of senior citizens, a lot of screaming babies coming home from seeing senior citizens and a few business travelers like myself. Luckily I got to sit next to a power lesbian in a pinstripe suit who typed on her computer, bitched about the weather in Palm Beach and sighed and rolled her eyes at me when I had to get up and go to the bathroom. After my lovely day, I walked into LGA expecting to be greeted with a grimy baggage check and a room filled with exhausted assholes when I check my cell and see a text from HFM: "Wait till you get to baggage claim...sewage issues...let me know if want anything from Starbuck's." Huh? He had a flight into JFK 45 minutes earlier and stopped by LGA with his car to pick me up. Seriously. Adorable. And this after being away all week and barely sleeping. All I could think was what a nice guy. Of course this would fall into my life weeks before I'm thinking about relocating and at the busiest time in my entire career thus far when I'm traveling half the time. Then again, he's traveling half the time, too, so maybe something could actually come of it, because we are probably the only people either of us has ever talked to who can actually understand and relate to seeing someone who is gone for days at a time. I really have no clue what will happen, but we're both in the city Sunday and we're going to dinner, so we should at the very least have some interesting stories to share...

On the Nicer Mr. Nice Guy note, things are the same as they were yesterday....and the day before...and the day before. I actually really, really like him, but a part of me is worried that things may stay the way they are forever. I am all for getting to know someone before you date them and not rushing into to anything, but I'm also not into being "friends" with someone I'm interested in for weeks or months... I guess I'm just getting old, lol, but I'm really at the point in my life where I'm finally over talking to lots of guys and seeing lots of people casually. I really want to meet the right person and date the right person as opposed to seeing multiple people casually. I truly feel for the first time I'm ready to meet someone I can not only have a serious relationship with, but also see myself settling down with in the future. Is the Nicer Mr. Nicer Guy ready for that type of relationship? Or will he simply be more comfortable staying "just friends" for months until he feels I'm right?

"I don't ever dream about you and me, I don't know your face by heart, But there is still a part of me, That thinks we might get on, I wish I could tell you face to face instead of singing this stupid song..." -Kate Nash

Nicer Mr. Nice Guy vs. HFM

I'm flying back to the city for a few weeks today. I have to pack up my apartment, wrap up my life, and come to terms with the fact that NYC will be my new Florida and West Palm will be my new home, at least for a while. I'm actually pretty ok with that. I love the city, but after almost 2 years I'm kind of over it. I can use a break from the craziness for a while, and South Florida could be just the remedy I need.

I saw the Nicer Mr. Nice Guy last night and while we're just friends, though it's obvious we like each other, everything seems right and easy with him. I can't really explain it, but there isn't the drama or anxiety or anything that has accompanied every other guy I've liked in the recent past. Maybe it's because I'm just used to neurotic New Yorkers...We'll see if that lasts...

Going out with the new HFM Sunday, as I have friend in town all weekend. He's definitely funny and hot and passes my MDA with flying colors, unlike the Nicer Mr. Nice Guy. For some reason I feel like Nicer Mr. Nice Guy is better for me than HFM, even though on the outside HFM seems to be perfect for me. HFM also splits his time between the city and Miami, he's over 30, established, sarcastic, witty, funny...But the Nicer Mr. Nice Guy just seems more right.

So, I guess I will go out with him this weekend and see where it goes and how I feel, but a part of me is pretty sure the Nicer Mr. Nice Guy will come out on top of my dating hierarchy. If he can keep my interest while I'm away over the next two weeks and not fall in love with anyone else, I think I could possibly picture myself dating him...

NYC Bound,
LMM