Just Know.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was sitting in a room with four of my best friends and we were talking when my Blackberry started blinking. I checked my phone and it was a text from a guy I knew asking me to go out sometime. I ignored it and continued talking to my friends about dating and relationships, etc. when my Blackberry blinked again. With another guy texting me. This scenario continued until one of my friends said, "Torrie you have got to stop feeding into all of these guys, it's just shameful". Wow. Shameful. I know it was only a dream, but geez, that word seemed a bit harsh for simply accepting a few text messages.

But maybe my celestial BFF was right. Maybe if I was ever going to date anyone seriously I would have to forgo all of the other filler in my life. I constantly tell my friends that a good relationship can't start with out a clean slate, but here I was responding to texts from numerous guys that wanted to date me, many of whom I honestly wasn't even that interested in. I was the one who needed a clean slate. I was the one who needed to ditch the filler and start fresh. I honestly didn't even realize what I was doing until I heard that word in my dream last night. Was I leading these guys on by continuing to communicate with them? Was I feeding into my own filler?

I can honestly say for the first time since Ivy, I'm over having filler in my life. I'm over dating around. I'm over having a ton of guys chase after me. I really just want to either be alone or date someone worth dating, who has the same morals and goals in life that I do. But is this person out there? Does someone who wants all of the same things I want and believes in the same things I do really exist? Or am I ridiculous to continue waiting for this person who is perfect for me to suddenly appear in my life? I do know one thing. I am sick of settling. I'm sick of dating guys who are sort of right for me, thinking they might change, or I might change, or things might actually work out one day. I mean, seriosly, are there any guys out there who aren't either A. stressed as hell over their jobs or B. have reputations as players who talk to a million girls? Is there anyone normal out there? If so, please stand up. I am so over these types of guys, I really just want a nice, calm, laid back, normal guy who doesn't communicate with every girl on earth or work 100 hours a week. Is this an unrealistic expectation? Are there any nice guys left out there? The next person I date I want to be right. I don't want to have to worry that they'll be talking to other girls, or still living like a frat boy, or will get sick of me in a few months. I just want to not have to think about it at all. I've always heard that when you meet the right person it's easy. There isn't drama and there isn't constant arguing. There isn't doubt and there isn't that whole "I'm not really sure phase", you just know. I've never "just known". And. When I meet the right person. I am almost positive I will.

xxoo,
LMM