The Weather Is Here. Wish You Were Beautiful.

I have never felt more in limbo than I do right now. I feel like I'm living two different lives at the same time, one in Florida and one in the city, and in the next 3 weeks I have to merge those two lives into one and I don't know if I'm ready to do that. Over the past few months my time has been pretty much back and forth between Miami/West Palm and NYC. Now that most of my time will be condensed into one place it's time for me to figure things out and say goodbye to one life and embark on another. I'm going home for the first time since December, in 3 weeks. I've never gone that long with out visiting. Unless you've lived in the city it's hard to explain, but this is completely typical in Manhattan. Most of us put our careers first, and everything else is secondary, including making it home more than once a year. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. However, I know that if I stay in the city forever, this is the life I will live.

I went from living a life where I saw my family almost every day to seeing them a few times a year, which is so weird to me. I've been gone for almost two years, which is even crazier to think about, since it feels like I moved to the city yesterday. Most of my friends from home have gotten married or engaged since I've been gone. They're all buying houses and planning rehearsal dinners. Instead I've lived the life of a good New Yorker and worked my ass off building my career. In Manhattan, you are what you do: you live, eat and sleep work, and even when you aren't at work, you're always working, whether you're networking at happy hours or charity functions or at a friend's birthday party, work is always you're first priority. Relationships are almost so non-existent in Manhattan's upper echelon twenty and even thirty-something's social circle that even the thought of marriage and settling down is thought of as a ridiculous, far off concept that people actually laugh at and make jokes about.

Now, I basically have two choices. I can continue along the path I've been on over the past two years or I can take a chance and see what else is out there. I can live a life in "normal land" and hopefully be happy and content or possibly be bored out of my mind in a month and wishing I had my old insane, drama-filled life back. Or I can stay in the city and probably end up like Carrie from Sex In The City, 40, with an oven full of Malanos and no husband too match. Am I really ready to settle down and live in "normal land", or have I simply become "too New York" too be happy anywhere else?

"He's going back to New York to pack it all up and let everyone know,
It was something that he should have done such a long time ago,
Still time to start a new life in the palm trees..."-Jimmy Buffett