Guacamole And Figuring It All Out.

After work last night I went out with friends for dinner and drinks. In the last two weeks seven out of eight of our girlfriends have become single. I swear break ups come in waves. All of us except one were either "dating" or "casually dating" someone and now all of us are back on the market. This timing actually worked out quite well, especially considering my birthday is this weekend and we are all going to be together in our single craziness to celebrate. So anyways, we were out and we were eating guacamole and chicken tacos, no fish tacos for me ever again since my East Village food poisoning experience, and we were drinking margaritas and talking about our work and our love lives...And I look at the table next to us and immediately recognize the guy sitting there.

Not like a "real world" recognize, but a Facebook recognize. Why, might you ask, was I looking at a stranger's Facebook profile? Well I was psuedo-Facebook stalking this particular guy, because my friends know him and wanted to set me up with him. So, I'm staring at Facebook guy, who by the way, is even cuter in person, and also, by the way, is sitting with a girl. We can't really tell if they're friends or if they're on a date or what, but we can however, definitely see that he is way to cute for her. So, I'm sitting there wondering, is potential set up boy seeing someone? Or is this even him at all? Maybe he has a twin? Or maybe this guy just bears a very strong resemblance to him? Of course I have to get up and walk by to get a closer look. Even after the "walk by" I still think it's him. This brings up an interesting point. Do I even want to go out with potential set up guy if he is possibly dating some other girl? I would feel awful if I met up with this guy and it really was him. Then again. Maybe it was a first date?

Whatever the case, my friends and I eventually got past the whole "possible potential on a date with someone else" issue and got back to the subject of dating in general. Somehow the topic of me letting people go and not looking back came up. There have only been two guys in my life that I broke up with or who broke up with me and I was upset about or gave a shit about for more than a day: SF, (my ex from Florida), who is coincidentally coming into town today, (which brings up a whole nother issue), and Mr. Nice Guy, who I really had no reason not to let go, considering how insignificant whatever we had was in the scheme of things. I really can't explain why those are the only two guys I ever really gave a shit about and the only two who I didn't basically forget about the day things ended.

This makes me think. Maybe they were the only ones who had any significant impact on me, because they were everything the other guys I've always dated weren't. Both of them were creative, both had interesting, meaningful careers, neither worked in finance, neither had the aggressive, competitive, cocky attitudes the rest of the guys I've dated had possessed. So maybe I should've been dating guys like them all along and maybe I would've actually cared about more than two people in almost 24 years.

This brings me to what one of my professors in college used to call an "Ah-Hah!" moment. It was like sitting there I finally figured a small part of it all out. I needed someone more like me in some ways and less like the rest of New York in others. I needed someone sort of artsy. Someone who wouldn't normally go up to a random girl and hit on her...Someone kind and different. Someone who knew the difference between Miles and Coltrane...Someone I could just wake up with in the morning and not even have to say anything to, but just be able to laugh and just start the day with... Basically the opposite of the majority of the guys I'd been dating. Now that I think I know what it is I'm looking for, does he exist in this city? Or am I, like most of the people I know looking for something that's almost impossible to find in a city like this? I can't say I plan on searching...but my eyes are certainly open...

LMM